EDTATO 41

Chapter 41

Why was it that, even when the moment came for me to return to Dekiel, I couldn’t scream in despair?

The answer was simple.

Because I was broken.

I had already forgotten what pure love was.

I had become someone who could no longer be satisfied with ordinary affection. My body had become accustomed to needing even his pitch-black love before it could moan and feel pleasure.

Once I realized this despair, the heart that had been burning restlessly even against the cold ground finally became calm.

—The watchdog has come all the way out to greet me.

I smiled leisurely, as though I were Dekiel himself.

Although I was limp like a drunken woman, Raul extended his hand to me as politely as ever.

—The flames will spread here soon.

—Why did he bother setting the place on fire? All he had to do was quietly take me away.

—It was his order.

—Ah, an order. Yes, I suppose you couldn’t help it if it was an order.

I had been about to sarcastically ask why he hadn’t given me that order himself.

It seemed rather harsh to be treated as something special only to be forced to endure such cruel punishment.

But I quickly changed my mind.

Instead, I grabbed the watchdog’s hand and pulled him toward me.

—Lady Heine?

When our combined weight shifted, we easily fell onto the bed.

The watchdog’s body covered my slender figure against his will.

—You know, Raul.

I asked, narrowing my eyes slightly.

—What do you think would happen if I desired you?

—……

—Would he give peace to the lover who devoured his most precious servant, or would he cut off the neck of his loyal dog?

I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled sweetly.

—Aren’t you curious?

—You have delayed long enough.

I had intended to tease and mock him to my heart’s content, but Dekiel’s watchdog slowly lifted my body, proving that he was worthy of the name.

His pitch-black eyes flicked toward the window that had already been shattered.

If I kept playing around, he might drag me away without mercy.

Or perhaps I’d end up unconscious—or half dead.

How boring.

Unable to bear how dull it was, I buried myself in the dog’s arms with an expression of utter boredom.

After that, like someone addicted once again to something they had barely managed to break free from, I left the castle time and time again in search of new love and a new life.

No matter who found me, or how I was brought back, what I encountered every time was the same.

Me, stripped of everything that made me human, reduced to a state hardly different from that of a pet.

Perhaps it was around the time I grew exhausted from all of it and finally stayed quietly by Dekiel’s side.

Yes.

Fayden completed the medicine and came to the castle when I had already given up on so many things.

—Back then, I thought I’d run away to a very distant place.

—When are you talking about?

—That place where it was winter all year round.

—Ah.

Fayden casually continued the conversation as he tossed aside his thick coat.

—You mean the period when you lived under the name “Roel”?

—Roel… Did I have a name like that?

I merely muttered to myself, but Fayden suddenly launched into a lecture about whether I didn’t trust my own memory.

The pristine white shirt and dark navy suit Fayden was wearing suddenly seemed strangely out of place, and I looked down at my own dress.

The fitted waist, the voluminous skirt, and the black lace embroidered over the red silk fabric all felt unfamiliar.

How much time has passed since then?

With a numb feeling, I spoke of my regrets.

—I thought that if I stayed there, I would be all right for at least a few years.

—That was only what you hoped for.

—I never thought I’d be caught and dragged back after only a year.

As he always did, Fayden listened calmly to my miserable stories.

—I told you to endure it. Stop getting innocent people killed for no reason.

—Somehow, everything always becomes my fault.

—Don’t twist my words.

—You mean those men and those people wouldn’t have died if I hadn’t loved them?

—That’s not what I’m saying.

—He is the one who kills people, yet somehow everything becomes my fault.

Fayden ignored my provocation and wore an unusually lively expression that didn’t suit him at all.

—Listen. I’ve prepared a very interesting story today.

He pulled a chair over from a distance and sat beside me.

Apparently, whatever story he had prepared was quite extraordinary, because he sat a little closer than usual.

—Now, Heine. Challenge him to a “bet.”

What Fayden had created was a medicine that blurred one’s memories.

It could even implant false memories.

And he had devised an even stranger scheme than the mysterious medicine he had completed.

—If he truly loves you, his feelings won’t change even if he loses his memories, right?

—What?

—Provoke him by asking whether he can fall in love with you again even after losing his memories.

I looked at Fayden through blurred eyes and asked again.

—If he drinks that medicine, he’ll lose his memories?

—Not forever, but for a few years. If he takes it periodically, perhaps even longer.

But Fayden lowered his voice, saying that wasn’t the important part.

—Tell him, “If you truly love me, you’ll fall in love with me again even after losing your memories.”

—So… you’re saying we should make a bet about whether we’ll fall in love again after losing our memories?

—Very clever.

—Haa, Fayden.

I pouted without hiding my disappointment.

—Even if I propose something as hollow as that, there’s no way he’ll accept it.

Fayden’s head wasn’t exactly filled with flowers, so I was quickly disappointed by this strangely optimistic plan that wasn’t like him at all.

—Do you really think Dekiel will willingly drink a medicine that makes him lose his memories?

—If he accepts the bet, he’ll drink it, won’t he?

—There’s no guarantee that I won’t run away while Dekiel has lost his memories.

—Of course you’ll run away.

—Don’t you know him? No matter how far I run, it won’t make a difference. Wherever I go, he’ll find me…

—He knows perfectly well that it won’t make a difference. That’s why he won’t feel any need to refuse.

As Fayden continued speaking, he slowly opened a box made of dark wood.

Inside were two glass bottles.

Transparent liquid shimmered inside the elegant crystal-cut bottles.

—If you drink this medicine, both you and him will lose your memories and fall asleep. Then you’ll wake up around the same time on a stage I’ve prepared.

At the word stage, my heart began to beat as though I were an actress myself.

—He’ll love you anyway, so if you fall in love with him too, that’s your loss.

—……

—Conversely, if you resist his advances and come to love someone else, then he loses.

—Isn’t this obviously a bet in which there’s nothing good for him?

I already hated him this much. There was no way I would fall in love with him again simply because I had lost my memories.

Even if the world itself were to end, I would never love him again.

But…

I was afraid that if I lost my memories—if, by some tiny chance, somehow…

What if I fell in love with him again?

I hated myself for even thinking that it might be possible.

My entire body trembled.

It was shame.

—Heine, trust me.

Like the ringing of a small bell in winter, Fayden shook the vial.

—He’ll definitely agree. It will be better than keeping you by his side while you act like a doll.

—How can you be so sure?

—Because we can make a promise that whoever wins gets to have their wish granted.

—A wish… If I win, can I escape from him?

—If you win.

—Right. My wish is to escape from him and live like a human being until I die. I’m sure he’ll be delighted to grant that.

—What are you? Have you developed an illness where you can’t hold a conversation without being sarcastic?

—……

—If you happen to lose, you’ll have to grant his wish instead.

—If you lose.

Everyone in my world knew what his wish was.

And yet I was supposed to make this ridiculous bet?

Did he think I had completely lost my mind?

I shot Fayden an undisguised glare, but he calmly mocked me.

—Why are you suddenly pretending to be cautious? You have nothing left to lose anyway.

Then, as I glowered at him, he gave me a triumphant smile.

—Don’t worry too much. Do you really think I’d let you lose?

His face had twisted into something that looked like the face of a villain who could exist nowhere else—a face worthy of Fayden, who had become stained by us.

I listened carefully to his explanation that followed.

The specific rules of the bet.

The “tricks” he had devised to ensure my victory.

Fayden’s plan was surprisingly plausible. By the time he finished explaining, I found myself nodding as though I were under a spell.

The hope that had appeared once again was dazzling.

And because I knew all too well how painful it would be when that hope was cruelly shattered, I desperately suppressed my expectations and tried to calm my heart.

All the while, I prayed and prayed that Dekiel would accept the bet.