HIGOS 05

Chapter 05

[I just didn’t know it was unpleasant until I did it, and it became unpleasant after I did.]

[It became unpleasant after I did.]

[Unpleasant after doing it.]

[Unpleasant.]

“Baron?”

“Ah.”

Jester, who had been dazed by Cassia’s voice echoing in his ears, barely came to his senses.

“Anyway, you did give your permission, right? If the butler comes to see me again, I’ll tell him you’ll have to put up with a little more hardship.”

“…Do that.”

Jester hurriedly pretended to examine the documents, afraid his shocked expression might be noticed. He busied himself with feigned indifference, not even realizing he was scribbling strange letters instead of a signature on the smooth parchment.

Cassia, inwardly relieved that the negotiation had ended surprisingly easily, hurried to rise. Ten years ahead. Even a minute, a second was precious for playing and eating to her heart’s content—she didn’t want to be with Jester, whose face she couldn’t even stand to look at, for even a moment longer.

“I’ll be going now.”

“Yes.”

Cassia left Jester’s office with light, fluttering steps.

[It just became unpleasant after I did.]

Gulp.

Jester swallowed dryly at the image of Cassia’s indifferent face drawn on the documents.

But I really enjoyed it.

“What the—?!”

Good heavens. Instead of a signature, useless words had been written on an important document. “But I really enjoyed it,” of all things.

“Damn it.”

Jester’s face flushed bright red. Scritch, scritch, scritch—his pen moved back and forth roughly over the embarrassing scribble on the document. It became so smeared with ink that eventually—rip—the paper tore.

Cassia Ruverno.

If someone was from the empire, there was probably no one who didn’t know who she was. Not only was she the eldest daughter carefully raised by the wealthy Count Ruverno, but the reason she was famous was, of course, her beautiful appearance said to be like an angel descended. She was talked about wherever she went, so Jester couldn’t help but know of her too.

But that was all. He had simply thought, “So someone can become this famous just from their looks,” and thought nothing more of it. It didn’t draw the interest of Jester, who was too busy making a living to care about women. The fact that she was a woman from a completely different world from him—so different that he might never see her face once in his entire life—also played a part in not stimulating his interest.

How surprised he had been when that woman became his wife. The rumors must have spread, and every unmarried man in the empire must have envied Jester.

But Jester’s heart was actually complicated. It was obvious this was a marriage he had no choice but to accept due to the emperor’s forceful demand—how could his heart be at ease?

Putting himself in her shoes, it was enough to drive one mad. A woman who would have been lacking even if she married into a wealthy, powerful, and well-bred noble family—to spend the rest of her life in a rural domain as the wife of a nobody who had rolled around as a commoner mercenary his whole life before luckily being granted a low-ranking noble title?

Strictly speaking, it wasn’t Jester’s fault, but he felt terribly sorry. It was even more so after seeing the portrait of her he had received in advance. Did a woman who looked like this actually exist? If so, what must she be thinking, being forcibly sold to some low-ranking noble who hadn’t even seen her face?

When he saw Cassia stepping out of the carriage with a nervous heart, Jester couldn’t bring himself to lift his head. He felt ashamed—of her beauty that the portrait hadn’t been able to capture, of her expensive attire that didn’t suit a rural domain at all. Of the sight of the narrow, cramped domain reeking of cow dung that she must have seen on her way, and of himself, who had been granted a title but was still no different from a commoner inside.

He would have preferred it if she had thrown a tantrum, but Cassia, whose personality perfectly matched her beautiful face, only made Jester feel more guilty.

[I’m still young and there’s much I don’t know and much I lack, but I’ll do my best.]

[I do hope this domain that the lord and I will cultivate together will prosper even more.]

[I-I’m embarrassed…]

[If you leave like this on our first night… everyone will think very poorly of me. I understand you don’t like me, but…]

Butler Paul had forcibly pushed the hesitating Jester into the bride’s room. For Jester, who hadn’t held a woman’s hand once in twenty-four years, a night alone with a beautiful wife was agony. They were clearly married on paper and had become equals, yet to Jester, Cassia still felt like a status far more precious than his own. He didn’t dare touch her or even speak to her.

When he tried to leave, thinking this really didn’t seem right no matter how he thought about it, Cassia grabbed him with a blush, as if embarrassed. He had no particular memory of feeling lust for a woman, but at that moment his head seemed to have gone strange. Yes, she’s my wife anyway and she wants this too. Rationalizing thus, he held his young wife.

Still, he had maintained a certain courtesy. How much superhuman patience had he exerted to hold back his hand that kept instinctively twitching with the urge to touch his wife? He could never tolerate his own impure hands touching her pure white body. Thus, on their first night, the couple’s contact was only as much as was necessary.

‘I tried my best not to touch her… but she still didn’t like it?’

Jester began writhing in guilt for daring to hold his pure and clean wife. The hand tearing at his hair grew fiercer.

The fact that only he had enjoyed it also contributed to the surging guilt. He had tried his utmost not to touch her for fear Cassia would dislike it, and yet she said even that was unpleasant—there was nothing Jester could do.

Did she hate the very act of relations itself? No, she said it wasn’t that. She said it became unpleasant after doing it?

Thinking of Cassia from this morning, who had looked up at him with contemptuous eyes, his heart grew even more complicated. Her attitude, completely different from yesterday to today, was certainly because she hadn’t liked the bedding.

Jester recalled his own behavior last night and realized.

Sure enough, the problem was clearly that he alone had enjoyed it. The first experience had been ecstatic and astonishing. It felt like fire was sparking from his head. The place he had thought he could control since it was part of his body went wild, paralyzing even his brain. He had reached climax several times without even caring whether Cassia disliked it or not. Looking back, it couldn’t have been more terrible.

“Damn it.”

What was one supposed to do in a situation like this? Should he go to Cassia and apologize for being wrong? Jester agonized.

Knock knock.

“Master, it’s Paul. I have something to tell you.”

Just then, a voice like a savior came.

“Come in.”

At Jester’s permission, butler Paul entered in neat attire and gave a small bow. He was forty this year, but perhaps due to thorough self-management, he looked five or six years younger than his age.

This capable butler, originally from the imperial palace, was also someone the emperor had personally sent to Jester. He was the top servant who diligently managed the castle and domain’s internal affairs in place of Jester, who had been floundering after receiving a noble title for the first time in his life and being given a domain to rule. He was also the person Jester trusted most.

“What is it?”

“I’ve come to speak with you about the mistress. As of yesterday, the mistress has become the lady of the Greze domain, so I should hand over the internal affairs I’ve been managing. So that she doesn’t find it difficult, I’ll hand things over carefully and sincerely over time. However, since the domain inspection should be conducted as soon as possible, I’ve come to ask about your schedule. All the domain’s people are curious about the mistress.”

Paul said with a grin. Seeing his face, it seemed he was quite taken with the castle’s new mistress.

Well, of course—there was no one who hadn’t fallen for Cassia when she first arrived at Greze Castle yesterday and gave her first greeting. She was so kind and pretty. Hadn’t he himself nearly popped his eyes out sneaking glances at her?

But Cassia had come to him within a day with tremendous complaints. And the reasons for her complaints were all because of Jester himself. He had to understand.

“No, for the time being, just continue managing the household affairs yourself. My wife is still young, and this place is worlds apart from Ruverno, so she’ll need plenty of time to adjust.”

At his words, spoken while recalling Cassia’s visit where she had threatened she absolutely wouldn’t work, Paul’s eyes went wide.

“…Why are you making that face?”

“I-I apologize. I was just a little surprised. It’s the first time I’ve seen you talk this much, master…”

“……”

“And it seems you’re saying it out of great consideration for the mistress, which is surprising… As expected, I’m glad a good mistress has come.”

Paul nodded with a moved expression.

Jester felt inwardly embarrassed. He was well aware that he was seriously taciturn. That was simply his nature. He was the type who didn’t even say necessary things well, so he had never offered emotional encouragement like “good work” or “let’s do our best” to his servants.

He would like to give a word of praise to Paul, the top butler who was busier than anyone, but just imagining it gave him goosebumps…

“Anyway, please do that.”

“Yes, then please discuss it with the mistress and let me know in due time. By the way, when are you planning to inspect the domain?”

“Ah, I’ll decide that and let you know as well.”

He had no intention whatsoever of pestering Cassia—who had come to him personally, declaring she wouldn’t work, with her eyes blazing—about doing this or that. For now, he’d say this and gloss over it later. Jester decided carelessly.

“Yes, I’ll take note of that then.”

Paul bowed again with a greatly pleased face and withdrew. Then Jester caught the butler’s steps.

“Paul.”

“Yes, master.”

Paul answered immediately.

“Are you busy?”

Paul’s eyes widened. Jester had a face that said he had something to say.

It had already been over two years since he came down to the Greze domain on the emperor’s orders and served the young lord, but because Jester was of a silent nature, they had never once had a long private conversation. Paul was quite nervous yet expectant.

“No, I’m not busy. Is there something you need?”

“There’s… something I’m curious about.”

“About what?”

Paul, who had been asking while stepping closer to Jester’s desk, was inwardly startled. The master was making an expression he hadn’t seen in two years. He was blushing and hesitating to open his mouth, of all things.

“It’s just…”

“Please speak comfortably, master.”

Paul urged.

“Th-th-that is…”

He was even stuttering?

Paul, nervous in turn, wet his lips with his tongue and urged Jester on.

“Comfortably, please speak comfortably, master.”

Paul coaxed kindly, but Jester hesitated for a long while after that. Finally, when Paul was inwardly thinking, “Good grief, I’m going to suffocate,” and clicking his tongue, Jester barely managed to get out a single sentence.

“You said you were… married before, correct?”

“Yes. I was married when I lived in the capital. My wife passed away two years before I came here. She had been frail since she was young.”

“I see. My condolences.”

“It’s been a long time, so I’m fine now. But was that what you were curious about?”

“No, it’s not that…”

At this rate, he really would suffocate. Paul swallowed dryly and stared intently at Jester’s face, which was about to burst.

Having apparently decided to close his eyes and just say it, Jester slammed his desk and shouted.

“Give me some sex education!”

Paul’s mouth slowly fell open.

“…What?”