HIGOS 03

Chapter 03

[To think that after dying and opening my eyes, that worst day had already passed. At the very least, it should have sent me back to last night before the deed was done. If it had, I would have gladly sent him off with a smiling face as he tried to slight his wife from the first night by saying his body wouldn’t cooperate.

Being gossiped about by the castle servants as a bride who couldn’t even properly consummate her first night—that was no problem at all for Cassia now. By the time she died, even the domain’s people knew that the two of them were estranged.

What a damned god.

The lips of the modest noblewoman twisted wickedly. Cassia, who had inevitably grown strong while practically running the domain alone, had lost all of the gentle and elegant personality she had as a young lady. Of course, she had never shown it in front of others, but when faced with such infuriating situations, she would secretly spit out curses and swallow her anger.

“Let me think.”

Cassia looked around her small, unimpressive bedroom—a complete 180 from her splendid room at her family home. Of course, that was compared to Ruverno Castle; it wasn’t that Greze Castle was seriously shabby. Even within the castle, Baroness Cassia’s bedroom was among the largest and most luxurious.

Rising from the bed, Cassia walked to the dressing table and gazed quietly at her reflection in the mirror.

Her undulating silver hair, which suited her white bare body, swayed softly at her waist, and her blue eyes staring intently beyond the mirror were like precious sapphires, drawing her gaze again and again.

Despite her astonishingly beautiful appearance, Cassia felt no emotion. Her looks had only been satisfactory during her young lady days; after coming to the Greze domain, they had even felt like a curse. Wasn’t it because of her beauty—rumored far and wide even in the capital—that she had become the sacrifice for the emperor’s intended commendation?

In any case, what Cassia felt as she examined her astonishingly beautiful self was simply: yes, she had definitely returned to the winter when she was seventeen. It was because of her firmly toned body, her youthful face, and decisively, her long flowing hair.

Before she died, she had short hair. Considering that ordinary noblewomen generally enjoyed long hair with elaborate ornaments, her hairstyle had been unconventional. If she were to explain in detail why she had cut her hair, tears would come again.

It was a month before she received her terminal diagnosis. The Greze domain suffered its worst famine in history, and the people of Greze, who primarily relied on agriculture, could do nothing but weep during the harvest season.

Cassia worked hard for the domain’s people. She begged her husband—with whom she normally didn’t even exchange words—to lower taxes a little and obtained his permission, and she secretly adjusted the castle’s already-planned budget for the next year to even send direct support to some of the domain’s people.

At that time, what women did to make ends meet was “selling hair.”

The neighboring Viche barony had been making great profits from the wig business, and it was so prosperous that it was no exaggeration to say two-thirds of the capital’s ladies wore Viche-made wigs. Viche had patented and monopolized the wig business.

Striking while the iron was hot, Viche purchased human hair at quite high prices to support the growing wig business. The rarer or better the color and quality of the hair, the more the price soared.

It was only natural that the women of Greze, who struggled to even feed themselves let alone harvest, all cut their hair and sold it to neighboring Viche. At the time, short-haired women were everywhere in Greze.

Women with short hair felt ashamed. Short hair was also a symbol of poverty.

Our Baroness Cassia, whose heart ached at this fact, stepped forward and cut her own hair to give the domain’s people even a little comfort. The baroness, with the same short hair as them, tirelessly inspected the domain and became an idol and a source of pride for the people. There was a reason the domain’s people called Cassia “Lord” rather than Jester and followed her.

‘That’s how it was.’

Cassia swept her luscious silver hair and let out a deep sigh. The instances of her working hard as the mistress who ruled the Greze domain were not limited to this. Of course, they were for the domain’s people, but most were things she couldn’t do with genuine joy to the bone.

Cutting her cherished hair was one such thing. And the Greze domain would suffer a famine, pitiful women would cut their hair, and Cassia would become short-haired to comfort them.

Depressing. So depressing.

Sighing repeatedly while imagining her depressing life repeating, Cassia suddenly opened her eyes wide in surprise and thought:

‘No, wait—I’m going to die in ten years anyway, so I should go through the same suffering again? Why would I? Can’t I just live doing what I want, having what I want, eating what I want?’

If she didn’t know the future, maybe, but she was fated to die at twenty-seven anyway. If God had really intended to torment her by sending her back, He would surely have erased all her memories of suffering and made her live the same life again. But she remembered her entire miserable previous life, didn’t she?

‘Leaving my memories intact while turning back time must mean: don’t live the same way!’

Cassia finally understood God’s profound meaning and clapped her hands.

The various thoughts she had harbored before dying floated through her mind. She had regretted not living for herself, and imagined whether she would have been happier if she had lived a little more selfishly and badly. God had surely turned back time so she could try living as she had imagined.

‘Then I should do as I please!’

Cassia was excited inwardly. Since the word “deviation” had never existed even once in her previous life, the unfamiliar thrill of deciding to go astray seized her.

She would become a wicked noblewoman.

She would be a little extravagant, put off the duties the castle’s mistress ought to do, and what else…

Turning her thoughts over, Cassia realized there weren’t many particularly wicked things to do. Should she go to her husband and throw a tantrum or curse at him? No, there wasn’t enough time for feelings of dislike to accumulate yet, so from Jester’s perspective it would be baffling. She’d put that on hold.

When she realized that the thoughts blooming so grandly were, after all, confined to this domain and to the figure of the baroness, Cassia’s face brightened.

“Wait—why do I have to keep living with that man?”

She asked the seventeen-year-old Cassia in the mirror. The Cassia in the mirror shook her head. The slowly rising corners of her lips were clearly an expression of anticipation.

Let’s get a divorce. A divorce.

They had married because of the emperor’s order-that-wasn’t-an-order, but he hadn’t forced them to stay married. If they didn’t suit each other as they lived, they could part ways. Moreover, just as Cassia loathed Jester terribly, Jester had no interest in Cassia either, so divorce might not be so difficult.

‘Come to think of it, a man who had no interest in me while I was alive pretended to care when I was dying. Was he worried he’d be criticized if he remained indifferent until my death?’

She had thought he wouldn’t care whether she lived or died, so she hadn’t even told him about the terminal diagnosis. But on the day she died, somehow he found out and came to watch over his wife’s final moments with a rather hollow expression. The act of sorrow on his face had been quite natural.

He even nodded, saying he would grant all the things she listed as her final requests. Though he probably just said yes carelessly since there would be no need to actually fulfill them after she died.

Whether he granted her final request to stamp the divorce document, unfortunately, she couldn’t know since she had closed her eyes before that…

‘If it’s the husband I know, he might very well nod without a second thought!’

Jester had neglected Cassia throughout their marriage. It didn’t seem to be because he disliked her—he just seemed to have no emotions at all. To Jester, Cassia was simply someone to look after the castle when he was away, someone to couple with for an heir, a wife on paper—nothing more, nothing less.

He didn’t get arrogant or try to exploit her family just because her household was a great one. Jester was simply a man who knew nothing but war and money. Whether the wife beside him was commoner or noble, young or old, pretty or ugly might not have mattered to him at all.

In short, he was a man with utterly dried-up emotions and thoughts. Jester Greze.

‘Let’s ask for a divorce!’

First, she would bring it up, Cassia thought. There was no need to worry about how Jester would react. She had resolved to act boldly in this second life at least.

‘If he grants the divorce without fuss, then I’ll return to Ruverno, play, eat, enjoy my youth to the fullest, and then…’

The smile suddenly vanished from Cassia’s face as she pondered how to spend the newly given ten years most happily. Certain faces had suddenly come to mind.

‘Rael. Lucy.’

Good heavens. How could she have forgotten about the children?

The children had been especially attached to their mother Cassia. It was perhaps only natural, given that Jester, who was there as a father, couldn’t fulfill the role. He was rarely even at the castle, and even when they did meet, he was cold and unfeeling…

In any case, the children who weren’t loved by their father clung to their mother. Even when nursemaids were assigned, they would quickly throw tantrums and fail to adjust, so Cassia had to oversee their childcare herself.

She couldn’t say the children hadn’t contributed to making her previous life exhausting, but it was all right. Even if not Jester and a few others, the children were truly all right. She was confident she could cherish them no matter what. To that extent, Cassia dearly loved the son and daughter she had borne from her own belly.

‘But… if I get divorced?’

All the strength drained from her body. If she divorced Jester, it went without saying that Rael and Lucy would not be born into this world. That was worse than repeating the same grueling ten years.

‘I have to make sure my son and daughter see the light of the world no matter what.’

They were children who didn’t exist now, but how could she prevent them from being born when she held their memories so vividly? They were children who would have been born normally and lived their own lives. She couldn’t make them cease to exist just because she didn’t want to suffer twice.

‘Then, to meet Rael and Lucy…’

Cassia was at a loss. To make the children be born, no amount of effort on her own would mean anything.