Chapter 17

What other facts would I come to know after this?

I covered my ears and turned around. I didn’t want to listen to any more of their conversation.

My legs, which had felt light until a moment ago, grew heavy as if they were about to fall off.

My violently pounding heart made me gasp for breath.

“Haa, haa!”

Thump…… thump…….

Even while staggering, I moved my steps forward.

If less than a month remained of my life, the task I had to do was clear.

It was an event that caused every single reason I had held onto in my hand—even to the extent of forcing Mel into the lake—to disappear.

Though I was sad and angry, I couldn’t drag his life down into a pit just because I was dying.

After all, I had thought several times that if I died…… I would send him back to the sea, so it wasn’t surprising news.

It’s fine. ……It has to be fine.

It’s merely a farewell that arrived a little sooner.

‘Let’s say goodbye to Mel. Let’s tell him to take care.’

I put strength into my trembling legs.

Even amid my blurring vision, I walked while struggling to maintain my balance.

I threw away my greed. To be precise, I resolved to let it go.

‘Let’s tell him I’ll send him to the sea, back to the ocean.’

I stepped out of the front gate.

It was time to say goodbye.

“If the honor of this ruined Duchy is so important, shoulder it alone and die with it.”

“…….”

“Because I will take Servain with me.”

Perhaps it was a relief.

Since Mel wanted to return to the sea as soon as possible, for his sake, it was a relief that my death was coming quickly.

Leaving the mansion, I headed toward the lake.

It had been so long since I last went outside that I didn’t even have a sense of date anymore.

I was simply certain now that the days I hadn’t seen Mel were longer than the days I had.

I found that deeply regrettable.

Step, step.

Was it because Uncle had visited after such a long time? Or was it because of the aura of rebellion said to encompass the capital?

The knights who should have been guarding the lake’s surroundings were nowhere to be seen. But for me, that was a relief.

Splash, splash.

From afar, the shimmering surface of the lake was visible. The quiet sound of water could also be heard.

Perhaps Mel, who was sleeping, had woken up after hearing the sound of footsteps.

Between the rocks by the lakeside, a small head peeked out.

He must have done that to hide and check outside in his own way.

That clumsy appearance was adorable. Mel’s eyes widened as he spotted me.

“……Servain?”

Even though it had been a long time since we last saw each other, I hadn’t even expected him to call my name.

A laugh escaped me. Even though I was feeling miserable, angry, and like I was going to die just a moment ago, a smile came out again right now.

I felt like an idiot.

“Hello, Mel. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Unintentionally, my voice sounded as though affection was dripping from it.

It couldn’t be helped. After all, he was the person I could only bring to mind through imagination, the person I could only talk to in my dreams.

Reflecting the moonlight, Mel’s white skin shone beautifully.

His sparkling blue eyes blinked slowly while wide open.

Drip, drip.

Only the sound of water droplets falling from the ends of Mel’s hair hitting the surface of the lake could be heard.

It was a quiet night.

Mel slowly fluttered only his tail while staring straight at me.

That gaze was a bit cold, confused, and filled with worry at the same time, making it strange.

I pondered the reason behind his gaze.

He might have been startled because I looked too much like a patient.

After chuckling self-consciously, I approached Mel.

“Have you been doing well all this—”

Splash!

“—time?”

The moment I drew near, Mel snapped to his senses and hastily submerged completely into the water.

I had almost forgotten. He still held resentment toward me.

Mel slowly backed away from me, exposing his face only after reaching a distance where he couldn’t be touched even if I used my hands or other tools.

That distance made it impossible for me to see his face clearly.

“……I should have brought my glasses.”

I muttered with a slightly bitter feeling.

Today would be the last time, yet we were going to part ways without even seeing each other’s faces properly.

However, this might be better.

If I were to take in all of Mel’s lovely appearance with both eyes, I wouldn’t be able to let him go.

Meanwhile, as if calling my name earlier had been a complete mistake, Mel said coldly:

“Why did you come?”

“I came to apologize.”

It was an expected reaction.

Since I couldn’t see well anyway, I squatted down to match his eye level.

I felt relieved that my eyesight had deteriorated so terribly that I couldn’t see his cold expression.

“Did you read…… the letters?”

“……No.”

“I see…….”

For a moment, I recalled what words I had written in those letters.

Judging objectively, they were lengthy excuses.

Saying you were an ornament or a pet was something I blurted out in anger. I’m sorry. I never think of you like that, and so on…….

If it were me, I wouldn’t believe it even if I read such writing.

A bitter smile came out. However, a month would be far too short to fix a way with words like this.

“Mel. There’s a lot I want to say. But…… I don’t know where to start.”

I let out a small laugh. It was difficult because I had never spoken my true feelings before.

I realized that conveying things through words was much harder than writing them down.

“By the way…….”

“…….”

“Could you come closer? I want to see you a bit closer.”

Mel gave no answer to my request.

It seemed he didn’t want to come close to me after all.

I decided not to force his choice.

Though it was disappointing, looking at the pale face whose expression wasn’t clearly visible, I had no choice but to continue what I intended to say.

“……I’m sorry. I never thought of you as an ornament or a pet. At that moment, I spoke without thinking because I was angry. It was my fault.”

The cold wind scattered my hair. The lace decorations covering my clothes fluttered as well.

Come to think of it, these were the clothes I wore when I first met him. A dress full of lace and entirely white.

Although there were various clothes in my wardrobe, I had mainly worn only white clothes while waiting for death.

To think that of all the clothes available, the ones I happened to wear today were what I wore when we first met…… I felt strange.

“Actually, about the moments when I couldn’t come to see you all this time…….”

Should I tell the truth?

Should I say I couldn’t come because it hurt?

If so, even out of pity for me, you would forgive me easily.

“At that time…… actually…….”

Surely, he would look up at me with worried blue eyes.

Perhaps he might even shed tears.

Because you are a kind, tearful, and tender-hearted being.

Even though I was a person who persecuted you once—no, even now—you might pray for me.

“…….”

But what use is that?

Do you want to be treated like a pitiful person by someone you love?

No…… I…….

“……Vain? Servain!”

“……!”

At that moment, I snapped back to my senses at the voice that reached me.

How long had I been unconscious?

My fingertips had turned pale blue, and my whole body was trembling intermittently.

More surprising than anything else was that right before my eyes, Mel had approached with a flustered face.

“Why were your eyes closed……? Were you sleepy?”

It seemed he mistook my brief loss of consciousness for falling asleep.

Thank goodness. My eyes curved into a smile.

It was partly to reassure him, and partly because a smile came naturally at the clear, untainted face that had finally come before me.

“…….”

With the beautiful Mel before me, I closed my eyes.

I heard the sound of the wind brushing through the trees in the forest. The chirping of grass bugs seemed faintly audible as well. The sound of the water surface gently splashing was heard too.

Over my eyelids, I recalled Mel’s appearance that I had just seen.

I wanted to remember every single aspect of him.

……Yes. Now it’s done. I am completely finished preparing to remember you.

“Why are you doing this……?”

Just then, Mel’s voice was heard from a place even closer than before.

Startled, I opened my eyes to find Mel coming out of the lake, bringing his face close to mine.

My breath almost caught at the sudden close distance.

I felt Mel’s body scent. From Mel, who had smelled of the sea when we first met, there was now a sweet scent of the lake.

Mel asked with a worried tone:

“What’s wrong? What happened that made you come at this hour……? Tell me. I won’t be angry about what happened before anymore……. So…….”

The blue eyes met at point-blank range contained the moonlight. They were like a silver moon floating in a blue daytime sky.

At his gentle, worried gaze, tears almost welled up all of a sudden.

Seeing that appearance, I felt it was a relief that I would die soon.

If I were healthy, if I lived for a long time, I would never have been able to let Mel go.

For a long while, I made eye contact with Mel. It was to engrave every single crease of the iris in those beautiful eyes into my memory.

In the end, to say those words, I opened my mouth.

“You know, Mel.”

I’m glad I met you near the end of my life.

If I hadn’t met you, I would have ended my life without ever being happy, without ever having loved.

And because I can let you go before you become even more unhappy.

I wanted to be remembered by you as a strong person.

Rather than a weak, pitiful human who received sympathy, I wanted to be remembered as a strong person among the humans he had met.

So that even if he recalled the events with me sometime in the future, sadness wouldn’t exist among those emotions.

……So I won’t talk about being in pain or any of those circumstances.

Because you, who are so kind and tender-hearted, would surely be in pain.

“I will let you go.”