TO 20

Chapter 20

Seo-ah sat up in bed, staring blankly ahead. The phone ringing sounded as if it were coming from somewhere far, far away. Through hazy eyes, she looked at her phone sitting on the bedside table. Taehyuk’s incoming call was the only thing illuminating the pitch-black bedroom.

She reached out to answer it, but her hands moved far too slowly, and the call ended before her fingers could even touch the screen.

It was already the fourth or fifth time this had happened. She kept missing his daily call like this.

Even on the rare occasion they managed to connect the next day, Taehyuk would usually hear her slurred, exhausted voice and quickly hang up after saying, “Sorry for waking you. Go back to sleep.”

Expecting the phone to go quiet again, a text notification suddenly chimed instead. She picked up her phone and opened the message.

[I’m landing early tomorrow morning. I’ll go straight to the office to handle some urgent work and then head home. Don’t wait up, just go to sleep.]

Seo-ah rubbed her eyes only after reading Taehyuk’s text over and over in a daze. Every movement she made felt dragged out like a slowed-down tape.

He’s… coming back?

She stared at the tightly drawn curtains. Seeing the blackout curtains draped to block out any trace of daylight or nighttime made her brow furrow.

If he sees me like this… he might figure it out.

A sharp ray of clarity pierced through the fog in her mind.

Figure what out? What would he figure out?

Seo-ah shook her head, trying to clear the heavy cloud inside. Her head felt so heavy it might snap off her fragile neck—and part of her thought that might actually be a relief.

Tears spilled from her eyes.

It wasn’t just her baby that had been denied existence and wiped away; a part of Seo-ah had vanished along with her child that day. It was a secret she couldn’t share with anyone. Not even Taehyuk, who was her husband and the baby’s father.

As the overwhelming memories threatened to rush back, she pulled open her drawer with trembling hands. It was filled with the sedatives she had been taking.

After Seunghi silenced her that day, Seo-ah had returned home completely unable to breathe. Her chest ached as if it were splitting open, and sleep became impossible. Driven to a clinic because of her air-starved gasps, she was diagnosed with panic disorder and given a prescription.

As she reached for the pills now, the sudden realization hit her again: Taehyuk was coming home.

Her heart began to pound—not from a panic attack, but from a rush of emotion.

Relief. Comfort. And fear.

Seo-ah squeezed the paper medication pouch tightly in her fist.

If I tell him… maybe he’ll help me.

She wasn’t asking for some grand gesture. Just a little warmth and a gentle hug. Seo-ah truly believed that would be enough.

Waiting at the airport, Seo-ah checked the flight arrival board again and again. Having taken her medication beforehand, the chest tightness and shortness of breath were manageable. Truthfully, the thought of seeing Taehyuk in just a little while was what truly kept her going.

“Did I get here too late…?”

Despite her best efforts to rush over, Taehyuk’s flight had already landed by the time she arrived at the terminal. She called his phone several times, but it remained powered off.

Hoping he simply hadn’t disembarked yet, Seo-ah hurried over to the international arrivals hall. She was terrified, but a tiny thread of hope remained: He’s Taehyuk. Wouldn’t he believe me?

Just as she stepped into the arrival hall, her wandering gaze landed right on him. Unruffled despite the long flight, Taehyuk looked as sharp, sophisticated, and polished as the day he had left.

“Taehyuk…”

Before she could call out his name, another voice echoed across the hall.

“Taehyuk!”

Go-eun was running toward him from the opposite side of the terminal. Seeing Go-eun again sent a sickening, crushing ache through Seo-ah’s chest.

Taehyuk turned toward her. Go-eun ran straight into his space and threw her arms around his neck.

As Seo-ah watched the two of them, her vision blurred. Her breathing hitched, and her heart pounded so violently it caused physical pain. Stumbling backward, she sank onto a bench in the airport lobby. She was too terrified to even look at him now.

Fortunately—or perhaps unfortunately—the roaring noise of the crowded airport drowned out everything around her.

Her mind went cold, and the world began to spin. She felt like she was on the verge of collapsing right then and there. The chatter of the crowd swelled inside her head like a balloon. Seo-ah clenched her fists tight, fighting back the nausea bubbling up in her throat.

It’s okay. It’s okay.

She tried to soothe herself and steady her breathing. She had no idea how much time passed, but after what felt like an eternity, she finally regained her senses and looked around for Taehyuk.

He was nowhere to be found. Neither was Go-eun.

Did they leave together?

Seo-ah bit her lip. No. That can’t be. But…

The image of the two of them looking so intimate flashed through her mind. She had never asked for love from Taehyuk, but she had at least expected trust. She had firmly believed he wasn’t the kind of man to pull trashy, deceitful moves behind her back. But now…

“Haah.”

Seo-ah pushed her hair back from her face. The only thing this trip had proven was that she was completely alone.

It was already her fourth time today.

Seo-ah stepped out of the shower. Her skin carried the faint scent of roses and radiated heat from the warm water. She put on fresh underwear and pulled on clean clothes—something she had been doing every single time she showered. It hadn’t even been an hour since her third shower of the day.

Heading down to the first floor, she began wiping down the kitchen counter and sink, despite both being spotless already. She tossed the dishcloth into the trash and pulled out a fresh one. Picking up a large jug of bleach, she poured half of it straight down the toilet in the downstairs bathroom, then carried the rest upstairs to pour into the second-floor toilet.

Even though a faint chemical smell already lingered in the air, Seo-ah didn’t care.

She tossed the empty bleach jug into the recycling bin, where dozens of empty jugs were already piled up.

Next, she moved toward the bedroom. She stripped the bed sheets she had replaced just that morning. Though the linens were pristine and snow-white, she pulled out another fresh set and remade the bed anyway.

It’s dirty… It’s so dirty…

Seo-ah paced around the room, surveying every corner. Even looking at a spotless room without a single speck of dust, she couldn’t shake the obsessive feeling that everything was filthy.

Then her eyes caught her own reflection in the mirror.

Without warning, tears spilled down her face. Even though she had sobbed her heart out in the shower earlier, her tears refused to dry up.

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and hurriedly pulled her robe off. She was going to wash herself again—even though her skin was still damp from the shower she had just taken moments ago.

“Were you about to take a shower?”

Taehyuk’s voice startled her. He was standing right there, wearing the exact same outfit she had seen him in at the airport. Instantly, the memory of Go-eun throwing her arms around his neck flashed through her mind, sending a surge of nausea through her stomach.

Seo-ah turned her head away.

“Ah… S-Sorry. I forgot you were coming home today.”

It was a lie, but Taehyuk didn’t seem to care as he stepped closer to her.

“Have you been well?”

Seo-ah kept her back turned to him.

“It’s been a while. Are you not even going to greet me?”

Taehyuk leaned in toward her.

He was the man who had held her in his arms throughout their entire honeymoon, and his body was well-accustomed to hers. The time they had spent apart had been long for him too.

When Seo-ah finally turned around, Taehyuk pulled her into his arms and kissed her. He immediately parted her lips, pressing his tongue deep into her mouth to taste her, as if needing to confirm that she belonged to him.

Even though Seo-ah stood frozen without responding, Taehyuk didn’t mind, putting it down to her usual shy nature. He remembered how she had been bashful every single night and day during their honeymoon week. Besides, Taehyuk didn’t have the mental energy to check on her emotional state right now—he was simply starved for her.

Before getting married, he hadn’t even realized he possessed such intense desire. But things were different now. He had a wife—someone whose body fit perfectly with his.

Taehyuk’s hands moved quickly and roughly, slipping beneath her skirt. His palm was hot as it gripped her hip, making his intentions blatantly clear as he pressed his lower body against hers.

Feeling his hard, demanding weight against her, Seo-ah felt her heart drop off a cliff. Unaware of her condition, Taehyuk parted her thighs to satisfy his urge.

He intended to take her right here—first like this, and then…

We can wash up together afterward.

Taehyuk pressed himself tightly between her legs. Slightly annoyed by her complete lack of response, he whispered hurriedly, “Are you mad?”

Assuming she was upset because he hadn’t been in touch, he brushed his lips against hers and added, “I was too busy to call. I’ll make it up to you all night, so… Ugh!“

In that split second, Taehyuk shoved Seo-ah away from him. Blood was trickling from his lip.