CHGD 41

Chapter 41

Perhaps it was because he had faced a life-threatening crisis. He seemed to mistake this place for the afterlife, and appeared to believe that the Louis before his eyes was real.

Dues moved his trembling arm and placed his fingers on Louis’s cheek. His soot-stained fingertips soiled Louis’s pale cheek.

“Ah, aah, I’m sorry, Louis. I, I couldn’t protect you…”

And he began to ramble apologies.

They weren’t all directed at the Louis before his eyes. They were tearful apologies directed at the real Louis, who was already dead and in the afterlife — a father’s remorse for not having cared for his son, his own immaturity that had torn the family apart, and his regret for not having loved him sooner…

*Louis…*

As those apologies continued, stammering and faltering, Louis’s body also began to crumble slowly.

The monster who had said he wanted to act like a human was now beginning to be wounded like one.

“Father, I…”

Louis’s lips moved hesitantly, unable to continue. Was he afraid of the reproach that would come from his father once his true identity was revealed? His lower body, still kneeling, had already half-reverted to its monstrous form.

It was the shape of a beast with bark for fur.

“I had a nightmare,” Dues said, slowly closing and opening his hazy eyes as he recalled the past.

“A dream where I lost you, and raised a child who looked just like you. I searched for you in that child. How, how sorry I was for that…”

“…!”

Louis’s hand, gripping Dues’s arm, trembled finely, as if he hadn’t expected those words.

“At first, I was so happy, thinking you had come back. But as time passed, I remembered what that nun had said. That nothing is perfect, that a dead child doesn’t return… What on earth was I doing?”

“So that was… the reason you were sorry?”

“Yes. I ended up doing something terrible to that child. I wished vain dreams upon that child, even though he wasn’t our real son.”

Suddenly, my past, when I had so easily dismissed Louis’s request, came to mind.

*’It was Dues Rozelan who wanted Louis. What’s wrong with him acting the part perfectly?’*

I was wrong.

From the start, this wasn’t even perfect.

Because saying one would act perfectly also meant that one could never become a perfect truth.

The more he acted like Louis…

“That child… should never have been born.”

All that remains is regret.

“…”

Louis’s transformation began to move from his lower body to his upper body. Bark crawled up his back, and his face changed.

Perhaps because his eyes were dry, Dues, who still hadn’t seen Louis clearly, gasped for breath.

“But it’s alright now. I will now be with you forever…”

“Is that *really* all it takes?”

Just as he was about to sink into sleep, satisfied with himself, I awakened him with an irritated voice.

And I glared at Louis, who was still silent, his head bowed.

*’You said it was acting, but it’s a lie.’*

In the end, it was only now that I could clearly see how Louis truly felt about Dues.

Pretending to be a lofty being, saying it was difficult to act human while feigning to be emotionless, seeing him having actually become close to being human made my anger boil over.

If he had become a human child, why couldn’t he act spoiled like one?

“Were all the memories with your ‘new’ son, Louis, just lies? Memories that deserve to disappear?”

“Mi… miss?”

Dues finally noticed me and blinked with effort.

Despite his seemingly faint-like state, my complaints, once the dam had burst, didn’t stop.

“Your lost son is your child, and this Louis now is also the child you wished for. They have the same name, the same face, but you can’t accept him because he’s a different being? Why does he have to be the same person? Can’t you love him as a different being?”

“That’s…”

Dues seemed at a loss for words, as if he’d never considered that question.

That made me even angrier.

“He tried, didn’t he? He’s a child who made an effort to become your son, to become family. And after seeing him, you say he should never have been born?”

“B-but, in the end, it was a terrible thing to do to that child…”

“Then you should do better! Instead of saying you shouldn’t have done this, don’t you think you should change yourself? You made a wish, so why are you taking it out on an innocent child?”

It wasn’t just Dues who was startled by my anger. Louis, who was beside me, also opened his eyes wide and stared at me.

“You feel sorry for Louis in the afterlife? Of course you do! No one told you not to feel guilty! That’s that! And this is this!”

“That’s… that.”

“Carry that guilt for the rest of your life! Suffer for the rest of your life! But before you feel guilty for the second time, just look properly at the son right in front of you!”

Why are you trying to make the same mistake again?

Just because a child died, the child born afterwards isn’t at fault.

Regret is something the living, the parents, should carry.

“This isn’t heaven or hell! Now! Who’s here right now? Is this your child in the afterlife?”

I forced Louis’s face forward, presenting it to Dues. Louis’s form, already half-revealed, was far from human.

But Dues didn’t look afraid or flustered. He just stared blankly at Louis.

“…No, it’s Louis.”

“He’s your son Louis, right?”

“…”

A moment of silence. Louis trembled, as if afraid to hear the answer.

Seeing that, Dues slowly opened his mouth.

“Yes. He’s my son, Louis.”

“Fa…ther…”

Dues reached out his hand again. The cheek he had once caressed was now rough, covered in bark, but he stroked it just as lovingly as before.

“Yes, my son. Why didn’t I realize that you, too, are my son?”

“But, I wasn’t perfect. I hurt you this much…”

“What are you saying? You don’t need to be perfect. No, you *mustn’t* be perfect. Because you are a different child. My second son.”

*How much love did I receive from you? How much joy did you bring me? That is something I must not forget.*

Dues spoke endlessly in a tearful voice.

What must it be like, as a father, to look at an inhuman monster and still call him a son?

Unable to understand that, I saw no reason to intrude further between them.

As they alternated between apologies and gratitude, I slowly rose from my seat.

Then, I spotted the Count silently watching me.

He had a somewhat bitter smile on his face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because I thought it was just like Deliana.”

“…We’ve never had a conversation like this before.”

As I pouted in response, he let out a low chuckle.

“You’re right, not for you.”

Saying something cryptic, he turned his head and looked around. Then, he snapped his fingers briefly.

The wind that had surrounded us vanished, and the citizens who had gathered nearby reappeared.

“Since Louis seems stable now, let’s go back. Staying here will only cause confusion.”

“Got it.”

“…Would you like me to carry you again this time?”

Just as I was about to refuse, saying I was fine, the distance we had come flashed through my mind. It was too far to walk again.

Without a word, I stretched out both arms.

The Count let out a short chuckle and lifted me up again.

For the first time, having resolved a request and feeling a sense of accomplishment, I headed home, enjoying the wind, feeling pleased.

*’So even a monster and a human can become a family.’*

And so, I entertained that arrogant and misguided thought.

—

Two days later, Dues came to visit the annex.

Dues carried an armful of gifts. The reason for his visit was to repay me for saving him.

“Why go to all this trouble… It was the Count who directly saved you.”

“Because it was you, my lady, who asked the Count. Please, do accept them.”

Fearing he might prostrate himself like last time, I sighed and accepted the gifts.

“I’m not sure if you’ll like them, my lady, but they are from the most renowned artisan in the city. And this…”

The conversation that followed was rather dull. He repeatedly expressed his gratitude, showed a humble attitude hoping I would like his gifts, and I awkwardly played the hostess, complimenting him.

But as the conversation continued, a strange sense of dissonance began to creep in.

*’Something…’*

“Speaking of which, that rascal Louis also-”

*’Is wrong.’*

“He insisted I must tell you when I came to see you. It makes me happy to see he seems to hold you in such high regard, my lady.”

*’Is this really the same Dues from that day?’*

It was the same person. But he wasn’t telling the same story.

Though he wasn’t acting, the feeling that something in our conversation was misaligned continued to disturb my thoughts.

That intuition turned into conviction just before we parted.

“Ah, I should be getting back. It’s gotten late.”

“Yes, please go safely.”

“These days, my wife gets fretful if I’m late.”

“…Pardon? Your wife?”

Hadn’t his wife died long ago, along with Louis?

As I blinked in confusion, Dues smiled happily and said,

“Yes, she’s quite a timid person. When there was that fire recently, I was so relieved she was outside with Louis.”

“…Ah.”

I felt like I was going to be sick. Fear and revulsion churned in my stomach.

The identity of the dissonance I’d felt since the beginning of the conversation swirled in my mouth.

“Lord Dues, let me ask you one thing. How old is Louis now?”

“He is twelve this year. His birthday is this winter, along with his mother’s.”

He had been manipulated.

He had erased the memories of the past Louis and his wife, and constructed a new family.

*’Carry that guilt for the rest of your life!’*

Contrary to my outcry, he had reassembled his life into a perfect answer, one where he would feel no guilt, one where he could be happy forever.

Just like the portrait Louis had redrawn for him.

Who on earth had done such a thing?

*’Isn’t it obvious!’*

The answer was predetermined.

After Dues left, I immediately ran toward the main residence. Even though I was out of breath, I didn’t stop this time. Ikabel shouted from behind, asking what was wrong, but I ignored him. There was someone I had to see right now.

Arriving at his office in one breath, I opened the door without knocking.

“Count!”

And I found him sitting at his desk.