AER 6

Chapter 6

“What is it?”

The woman with cat-like eyes looked up at Ji-wan. Her pupils were complex, mixed with surprise, curiosity, and more.

“Damn it.”

Ji-wan abruptly released the woman’s wrist. It wasn’t Hye-ryeon.

Normally he would have at least added a word of apology, but not even the superficial courtesy of manners came out.

Ji-wan clenched his molars and turned his back on the woman. The unpleasant muttering gradually faded into the distance.

Outside the club was full of people who had forgotten it was night. Instinctively avoiding the crowd, he stepped into a narrow alley. Stumbling, he didn’t get far before leaning his back against a building wall. The orange streetlight shone on him desolately.

Ji-wan lifted his chin and exhaled a painful breath. Then he slowly slid down to sit.

For the first year after Hye-ryeon disappeared, he threw away his own life and searched only for her. He didn’t know how many voice messages and texts he had left on a phone that had been turned off.

—It was all my fault, Hye-ryeon…….

—I really can’t live without you. It’s not that I’m worried about you. I’m worried about myself being left alone…….

—So…… please come back. Okay? I’ll…… fuck…… I’ll really do better.

—I won’t go around like a playboy…… I’ll live more steadily…… I’ll really live that way.

—Then at least tell me the reason.

—No, I don’t even need a reason. Just answer that you’re alive…… I’ll…… hyung…… will go find you. Hye-ryeon, please.

—Fuck! How am I supposed to live without you……!

—……Ha Hye-ryeon.

—I love you.

—I love you, Hye-ryeon…….

—……Hic, I love you. I…… love you to death…….

After that, when he heard from his mother that Hye-ryeon had left after receiving money, he enlisted right away. Especially on days when he endured particularly harsh training, Hye-ryeon would visit his dreams as if in reward.

Even when he ran away to shake her off, his unconscious always clung to Hye-ryeon.

At some point even the childhood they had spent together began to feel like a distant dream. Time seemed to dilute the anger and resentment that way.

After graduating from university, the position he sat in changed. As he rose rapidly through promotions, the power he wielded also changed.

From around then, if he set his mind to it he could find Hye-ryeon. But he didn’t. He hoped never to run into her even by chance.

Because the sense of betrayal and longing were too fierce. Because he couldn’t even trust himself with what he might do if she appeared before his eyes. That was why.

And yet Ha Hye-ryeon had appeared right in front of him as if to show off.

With a perfectly fine face, as if nothing had happened.

His eyes felt hot, then soon burned red.

“I’m crazy…… I’m really…… fucked up. This is.”

A strained voice came out as if his throat were being choked.

The eight years he had desperately struggled to forget her turned into ashes in an instant. Ji-wan sensed it. Just like when he was twenty-one. That she would once again consume him.

***

Hye-ryeon was sensitive to violence. For her, it couldn’t be otherwise. Because of that, she was always prepared to respond to dangers she might encounter at any time. The reason a buffered electric shock device was an essential item in her handbag was the same.

When she got off at the bus stop, a short alley led to Hye-ryeon’s house. Because her circumstances weren’t good, she couldn’t even dream of a new villa with thorough security or a house in the middle of a busy district.

She would spend time at the bus stop on the main road and, when several people entered the alley at the same time, naturally join them like a boat riding a wave.

Above the old raw-fish restaurant labeled with red bricks *Bangja Hoe House* was Hye-ryeon’s home. The nights were a little eerie, but for what it was, during the day it had a cozy sensibility and was a pretty decent neighborhood. Above all, being able to find a place with two rooms separate from the living room for the rent of a one-room apartment was truly lucky.

Because of the old structure, there was no separate entrance and living room. As she took off her low flat shoes and stepped inside, her phone vibrated continuously. The caller was her aunt.

“Yes, Aunt.”

Hye-ryeon answered the phone while placing her handbag on the living room table. She sat on the small sofa she had bought secondhand a few years ago and glanced at the wall clock hanging on the wooden wall. It was almost midnight.

—Are you sleeping?

Her aunt’s sunken voice didn’t sound good. Hye-ryeon unconsciously tensed and corrected her posture.

“No. Please speak.”

Being pointed out the bitterness of the coffee by Ji-wan had been the spark. After work Hye-ryeon had shut herself in Young-hoon’s workshop to find the cause.

Young-hoon was absent. He had gone to visit his father in the hospital at the same time. Therefore she couldn’t get any advice.

But she exerted her tenacity and finally discovered the cause of the bitterness. While tamping only with the distributor, cracks had formed on the surface, leading to abnormal extraction.

The day had been so long that she was exhausted to the bone, but she couldn’t hang up on the call she had already received from her aunt.

—Huu…….

It seemed as if a thick smell of alcohol clung to her sigh. Hye-ryeon silently waited for the next words.

—Your dad is getting out soon, you know.

Yes. Soon her father would be released from prison.

Her father, who had wandered for a long time unable to forget the wife who left him, began drinking after the IMF foreign exchange crisis.

He started using violence on Hye-ryeon when she was seven.

Around the time she entered elementary school, Hye-ryeon developed selective mutism and lived like a half-mute.

A few years later, the one who broke that egg of isolation and saved her was Ji-wan. Even though he was a minor then, his status didn’t stop him. That was how he became the most reliable protective barrier in the world.

And after her father was imprisoned, she and her grandmother barely scraped by. At that time her aunt, who ran a side-dish shop, helped her and her grandmother. Even if it was a small amount, she sent money every month and also sent side dishes.

—Sang-min…… was originally a good kid.

It was her aunt’s usual refrain. That her father’s life had been ruined ever since her mother, who was a tea-room waitress, had seduced her father, who was a cab driver.

—Of course what he did to you was wrong……

“……”

—I know it’s hard to forgive. Aunt understands everything too.

Her aunt said she understood, but both in the past and now she was only a bystander who forced herself to do the bare minimum of duty.

But the reason Hye-ryeon couldn’t cut off such an aunt was because there had still been years she lived thanks to her help.

The reason her grandmother, whose bones and skin were gauntly dried, protected her granddaughter from her violent son yet never reported him—there was the fact that she was an old-fashioned person and couldn’t bring herself to abandon her son, but the biggest reason was that she didn’t want to become a burden to her daughter, the aunt.

Yet in the end she became a burden.

‘But if you report Sang-min, what am I supposed to do……!’

Her aunt had come all the way to Baengnyeong Island and let out a blood-curdling scream. The vivid memory of her crying out that her damned natal family, even her niece, were choking her was as clear as if it were yesterday.

—I went to visit him a while ago, and this time it really seemed like he’d come to his senses. His white hair is quite prominent…… Your father has aged a lot too. He’s not the same as before.

“Yes……”

—He won’t cause accidents like before. He said he got several certifications too. At that age it’s impressive.

“……”

—So when your father is released, now you have to do a daughter’s duty.

Hye-ryeon’s hand began to tremble faintly. She had thought that in her own way she had shaken off the trauma and was living well.

But the moment she thought of her father, she helplessly returned to being a skinny little child.

—Sang-min also…… said he was very sorry to you.

“Aunt, let’s talk about that…… later. Later.”

Hye-ryeon said with difficulty.

—Alright, let’s do that.

A brief silence flowed.

She had thought her aunt, whose mood was spoiled, would hang up, but then she heard a “By the way.”

—Our Ju-yeon’s college entrance exam is right around the corner.

Ju-yeon was Sang-sun’s only daughter, whom she raised like gold and jade.

—I think I need to send her to one more academy…… Could you help out a little more? You said you moved to a big company a while ago.

“It’s not like an office job at a big company. It’s just a café inside it. The work is the same.”

—So you’re saying no?

Sang-sun’s voice rang a little sharply.

Hye-ryeon sighed inwardly.

Whenever she pressured Hye-ryeon like this, her deceased grandmother came to mind.

Her grandmother, who said she never wanted to be indebted to a daughter who had done nothing for her even in death, had no choice but to receive Sang-sun’s help because she had to raise her young granddaughter.

Later, in order not to use the money she received from Ji-wan’s mother, she had once again become indebted to Sang-sun.

Everything was debt that had to be paid back in full.

—Helping with living expenses, is that it? A mere 800,000 won? That’s only natural between family. I had a hard time too, but while watching my husband’s mood, feeding and dressing my own kid less, I helped you. If you say you don’t know that……

“I understand, Aunt.”

She didn’t want the conversation to drag on any longer. She just needed to tighten her belt a little more.

“But I don’t have much leeway either. I’ll send about 200,000 won more.”

—That’s something. Thank you.

She must have been upset that Hye-ryeon cut her off earlier, but when she said she would give money, Sang-sun’s voice softened a level.

After hanging up, a deep sigh flowed out from inside Hye-ryeon.

“Haa……”

She didn’t even have the energy to wash. She lay curled up like a shrimp on the narrow sofa and lifted her wrist.

The sensation and strength of Ji-wan holding it.

If it had been someone else she would have been horrified. During her part-time job days, a customer who had been following her once gripped her wrist tightly, and she had reflexively slapped his cheek in surprise.

To Hye-ryeon even a small touch became violence.

But Ji-wan’s strength was different. It wasn’t something she discerned with thought. What was permitted only to Do Ji-wan was like water that seeped in without giving her time to examine it.

Hye-ryeon stroked her wrist. As his sensation was recalled again, her cheeks burned hot and her heart beat largely.

“…Ji-wan.”

It was then. As if responding to her voice, her phone vibrated.